Lizzie Bee Photography » Blog

“Forever” is a word that gets thrown around a lot, kind of like the word “love” does.  But to be honest? This session changed something inside of me…forever. Meet Justine, and her sweet pony, Tootsie.  Both of them are 17 years old.  One of them is looking ahead to her senior year of high school and a future that holds dreams and plans.  The other one is facing the end of her life. Both must come to a point now where they can peacefully say goodbye.

To say that I anticipated meeting these two with my normal enthusiasm would be a lie.  Justine’s mom contacted me last week because she knew that her daughter was going to have to make a tough decision about Tootsie’s life soon, and she wanted to have precious memories preserved.  While I’ve had some emotional sessions before (horses included), this one melted my heart from the first phone call.   This horse, and her girl, have been together since Justine was just a child.  They’ve done it all together, from reining to trail rides and just about everything in between.  Those of us that are animal lovers will be able to  understand the grief that comes as we watch our faithful friends age and become ill or too weak to continue living.  We still choose to love, though, because what is this life without it? We know that it can’t last forever. That pain will come at the end when we have to say goodbye, but the time we have is precious and so worth enjoying here and now.  I have been raised in church…and I even graduated from Bible college. I know that many scholars and respected people of faith could find reasons to dispute my beliefs, but this is it, plain and simple: I believe with my whole heart that we’ll see our animals in heaven.  God created them for our enjoyment. They are thinking, feeling, emotional creatures with personalities and quirks and tempers and senses of humor.

They love.

Tootsie is dealing with arthritis and painful bone spurs.  She isn’t the fast pony that she used to be, but her heart is just as strong. Justine wanted to hop on Tootsie bareback for a few quick seconds so that we could get a picture of them together.  I wasn’t sure what to expect ~ would Tootsie buck barefoot Justine off or toss her to the side? Would she even stand still?  Her mom calmly said, “It’s ok. That horse will do absolutely anything for Justine.” And of course, moms are always right. Tootsie willingly held her girl without flinching once.

I’m trying to blog this session with huge tears rolling down my face, which is strange since I’m really not a big crier. I can’t explain what shifted in me yesterday.  I have always firmly believed that the mission of my photography and the gifting that God has given me is to preserve. To stop time, as much as we are able. To freeze the moments so that when we don’t have the people – or the animals – around on earth with us any longer, we have the ability to connect with them. Share them with others. But yesterday, while I put a brave face on for Justine and her mama, my heart broke for the pain that I know separation causes.  My own child will have to endure this one day with a horse, no doubt.  Will I have prepared her to face the tough endings that must come eventually?

Every photographer reveals who they are with the art they create. We bring our own perspective, heart, past experiences, and emotions to every session. When I uploaded these images last night, it was with a heavy heart because I felt Justine & Tootsie’s pain – and fierce love – in each one. I’m praying that these images will help Justine celebrate the relationship she has with Tootsie and look back with joy at the life they have had together.

Thank you for trusting me, Justine.  In my heart, I believe this won’t be a forever goodbye for either of you. Just a, “See you soon.”